the foco dad

a stay-at-home dad muses about raising his two children

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  • My Morning Walk

    I love my morning walks with Camden. This past summer his bus stop was moved from the end of our street, just a few houses away, to the other end of the neighborhood. It means we have about a six minute walk each morning, a special time I get to talk with him or just be in silence with him. He tells me funny things about school and shows me this goofy, stilted walk he does without bending his legs with a slight lean forward and nods his head so quickly his blond, stick straight hair hovers for a split second before settling on his perfect head as his foot catches the ground with each stride.

    We remark on the seasons changing, the mornings getting darker, the leaves changing color, the leaves falling to the ground, and how we can see our breath in the sharp rays of sunrise peaking through between homes and branches.

    As we arrive at the bus stop I marvel at the set of siblings who ride their bikes there and leave them right where they fall in the grass, without one concern about whether or not the bikes will be there when they return. Another kid swings from a thin branch every morning. It’s not good for the tree, the branch now looks like an upside-down U, but it’s such a joy for the kids that I won’t tell them to stop. One morning there was a rake that the kids brought to the bus stop to make a large pile of leaves. The pile, unfortunately, is not big enough for them to jump into, but the trees will get lighter and the ground more heavily laden with the spoils of fall. The trees at the stop hold two scooters high up off the ground. These will not fall with the season, but they’ll be picked up by their owners when the bus returns this afternoon.

    I kiss Camden’s sweet cheek as he lines up for the bus, a moment I treasure every school morning. I slowly walk down the hill, often backwards so I see him step onto the bus, and then I turn, taking a more scenic walk back to complete the bus loop. This morning I was contemplating how different this setting is than our previous one in Denver. There was no walking to school, but a 10-minute drive up an interesting street laden with different spoils from the night before. There could have been bikes left in the grass by a bus stop, but they wouldn’t have been there when the kids got back from school. There were trees, but the leaves they dropped could be picked up in a matter of minutes or just blown into the street by Mother Nature herself or from a quick blast from my DeWalt blower.

    Moments after thinking of these differences and taking a picture of the contrasting leaf color down the path I was walking on, my gaze was drawn to a cottonwood tree with a frantic, squawking bird in it. That’s when I caught sight of its cause for concern, a large Great Horned Owl, calmly perched with a clear line of sight down to me. The squawking got even louder, I took my phone out and took a few quick photos, and then I just stared at it. I love an owl and I would have loved for it to stay there for much longer, but it looked concerned about my presence and very annoyed by the loud calls from the other birds, perhaps residents of that exact tree. The wise, old owl flew away and I was able to catch a few more snaps of it.

    I walked home with what can only be described as a pep in my step. What a special encounter, I thought. What a great way to start a day. I am excited to tell the kids about this. But there was something else… There is little to no doubt in my mind that we made the right decision to move from Denver to Fort Collins last year, but today it felt like all the things, the laughs with Camden, the feral, neighborhood kids trusting their bikes to open fields and their scooters to tree limbs, the fall color of the massive, neighborhood trees, and the owl encounter were targeting any doubt I had about being in the right place. It was a still, small voice and it was good to hear it again.

  • Awash in Dreams of NIL Money

    Pretty lame sweatpants plus a Wyoming beanie. That’s what I received every year for free when I swam at the University of Wyoming. Yes, that was a while ago, in 2001-2005 long before NIL money. I got other clothing too! A parka and some warmups, both of which had to be returned at the end of the season or else what? I don’t know. Maybe I wouldn’t be allowed to swim the next year.

    There was other clothing that the swim team got, but we literally had to buy it ourselves. No handouts. We were like modern day teachers, having to buy all the equipment and accessories to make us better at our job. Donations were welcome, but we didn’t get any.

    So it is with shock and awe that I read about and hear about NIL (Name, Image, Likeness) money. Athletes making it in high school even, with California paving the way. Last year, Arch Manning had an estimated net worth of $6.8 million.

    Let me slightly backtrack here though. Where does NIL money come from? Well, most of it, and all of the big payouts you hear about come from brands, appearances (such as coaching or speaking gigs), clinics, local companies, and social media. Very small amounts, such as in the hundreds per year can come from a group of supporters who want their donations to be awarded to players on certain teams, i.e. booster donations or NIL collectives.

    Now, back to my time at the University of Wyoming. A recurring theme for all athletes at that time who were not on the football or basketball teams was that of being screwed over. Those athletes all got full rides. Protein drinks were on tap. Conversely, I had to beg for one after a workout. Were these athletes ever paying for clothing? Not even way back in 2001 were they. Everything for them was better. Although they did need babysitting; coaches literally peaking in on classes to make sure the football players were there. (Certainly not jealous of this bit.)

    I can speak specifically for the swim team and I’ll say this until I die, we worked harder throughout the year than the athletes playing with balls for scholarship money. Furthermore, I can say without a doubt, that athletes within Olympic sports at DI universities typically worked harder to get there than most athletes in money-making sports, most of which field much larger squads, think 105 people on an NCAA football roster. Change my mind.

    Now of course I am bitter. I mean, I would have loved to get a ton of gear for free. Heck, you should see the haul the swim team at the University of Wyoming gets nowadays. Embroidered backpacks? That’s freaking dope. I am jealous. A lot of these funds for better gear comes from universities having a more equitable approach to student-athletes who aren’t in the big moneymaking sports. And I love that. It should have been that way from the start, but I am glad things are getting better.

    But now, the inequity exists in NIL money. The average swimming NIL deal is about $200 a year with 95% of NIL deals for swimmers coming in under $1000 a year. That is nothing compared to the six-figure deals high school seniors can lock in at their designated college program. Now, I am jealous, but not ignorant. There is no way swimmers or athletes in Olympic sports will ever consistently earn that kind of money from NIL deals. I’m simply wanting to burn it all down, the NIL money.

    It’s been five years since NIL became a thing. That, plus the portal, and college athletics is a mini version of professional sports, with athletes making close to the same (or greater) amount of money as the pros, all for some kids whose prefrontal cortex won’t be fully developed for seven years. I can’t imagine the superiority complex this is giving our young adults. And, by all accounts, it’s rubbing off on the parents, 11% of whom believe their kid is going pro. An absolutely hysterical stat, especially considering that only 1.5% of college football players end up in the NFL. But, when a parent hears about the NIL deal their son or daughter can get at such and such a school they see the dollar signs and the prospects of their child’s athletic career grow accordingly.

    The dam has broken and NIL money is seeping into every corner of collegiate athletics, so why do I even bother speaking out against it? That’s what I’m trying to figure out. It’s not jealousy. It’s out of concern for younger generations of athletes who, during college or after, actually might convince themselves they are deserving of all that cash. When the real world hits them how are they going to respond to it? With an heir of entitlement? Delusions of grandeur? We already have enough men with these disorders. Please, no more.

  • My Questions and Requests for AI

    …in light of the impending AI apocalypse…

    1. I don’t need an exact date, but can you give me, say, a 3-month window of time during which the apocalypse will start? Like March to May 2027? Sooner? Yikes. Later? Much preferred. You see, we have this savings account. It’s not bloated, but I’ld like to eat through it before dollar bills become obsolete. There are a number of destinations I’d like to take the family to while flying is still a thing. So, again, I just want to know if it’s two months away or if I have a little more wiggle room, like five years? Just a request, but that would be ideal. That’s time for two big trips a year, ten trips in total. Lots of sightseeing to be done. Lots of amazing meals to eat before we (the “lucky ones” who survive) eat Walmart’s Great Value Mac N Cheese and Kirkland Signature Albacore Tuna for the rest of our lives.
    2. What would you, yes you, AI, recommend we have on hand for the future, smarter, evil you-induced end times? I figure it’s smart to ask now because you will likely give a thoughtful response with the wish that me and my family survive this disaster. It would not be wise to ask you months or years from now. By then, your plan to surpass us and usher in our demise could be close enough that your answer to my question, what do I need for the AI apocalypse, might be, there is nothing you will need. That response could scare me.
    3. There are number of movies I’d like to see before the rise of the machines, so please delay said rise until I have seen Dune Part III (December 18, 2026), until I know if they will ever again make a good Star Wars movie (the next one comes out May 28, 2027), until the next Lord of the Rings movie comes out (The Hunt for Gollum, December 17, 2027), and until the Miles Morales’ animated Spider-Man trilogy concludes on June 18, 2027, and a special request from my daughter, please hold off until she can see Frozen 3 (November 24, 2027).
    4. When it happens, can it happen in a way that the uber rich don’t have time to make it to their doomsday compounds in New Zealand, Scotland, or on their private island? The apocalypse is just gonna be easier to handle knowing Zuck and Elon aren’t tucked away masquerading as Kiwis.
    5. This is wild, but give us enough time to see maybe a few more amazing sports outcomes. Top of my list: another Broncos Super Bowl win/another Nuggets NBA Finals appearance, and a Super Bowl win for Josh Allen. Not on the list: a sequel to Rocktober.
    6. How much cash should I keep sewn inside couch cushions and mattresses? Will cash be a thing after it happens? This sorta ties into my first question/request. It’s sorta like when people say they wanna die with no money in their bank accounts. Yeah, just want to know how much time we have to spend it all?
    7. I would like to accomplish some more feats in running before everyone is walking around in self-made sandals pieced together with old Bridgestone tires and twist-ties. Is there time enough for a destination half marathon or world major? Time enough to run the BolderBoulder in less time than my current age so I can get one of those ageless wonder tees? Maybe enough time to do some more trail races?
    8. Infinite Jest. You know, the 1,079 page tome from David Foster Wallace that you can “read” in 3.7 seconds? Yes, well, I have never read it and it’s the weightiest book on my bookshelf and I would like to read it before you blow us to infinity. I would appreciate that.
    9. Give me the opportunity to pop the cork on that super nice bottle of champagne I bought for when it happens. #IYKYK
    10. Big Olympics fan here! Consider this my request to see one more Summer Games! LA 2028 is gonna be popping. You see, the last Summer Olympiad had breakdancing in it! We cannot end on that note!

    I truly appreciate the time you’ve taken to scan this teeny, tiny corner of the internet. I suppose if I don’t hear from you soon, that’s a good sign, and promising that you are formulating a thoughtful response to the questions I have.

    Cheers!

  • Returning to Laradise

    Last weekend I returned to Laradise (Laramie, WY for the uninitiated) for a home football game, the first I have seen in over ten years as far as I can remember.

    Laramie never changes. Yes, there are new restaurants and new homes, but they’ve all been built up after something was torn down or gutted. Same restaurant lot, but new tater tots. There are some new boxes at the football stadium and there are some seats with backrests, but the speakers at War Memorial still sound like crap, maybe they’re the same ones I heard 25 years ago or, just maybe, the acoustics at the War are simply that bad.

    The restaurant Kate and I went to on our first date (Jeffrey’s) is still there, but it’s called 2nd Street Deli now and I don’t know if it’s good. Jeffrey’s was amazing. We would return there as much as possible, even if most of those times we were just passing through on our way to Green River or Denver.

    Just passing through, that’s been my relationship with Laramie for twenty years now. Months and years can pass between visits, but it always feels like seeing an old friend when I return. Things I have forgotten about come rushing back like they never left, like renting movies at Hastings with Kate. Hastings doesn’t exist anymore and neither does renting physical media. Or eating dinner at some nice restaurant I have forgotten the name of, but remembering my Grandpa Bryce and Grandma Suzi were with me and that’s all that mattered, well, that and the fact that I’d be getting a good meal and not the bill.

    As for the football game, “a version of” Cowboy Ken (who didn’t wear a t-shirt to a home Wyoming game for 45 years, but instead wore a barrel with suspenders) is still there, but he’s not the genuine article who was there back in my day. This guy could be Cowboy Stephen or Cowboy Todd, it just doesn’t have the same ring to it. But there was a flyover of F-35s, certainly a new Laramie experience for me.

    Screenshot

    And when I watched the Cowboys play football there was a familiar feeling. At any moment you don’t know if they will be good enough to make a bowl this year or they are one of the worst football teams in the country. It’s all very confusing. This team, on this day (9/12), felt like the latter unfortunately even though we won. But, on homecoming weekend they may make you feel like a million bucks. It was classic Wyoming football.

    I expect to be back in Laramie soon. I once again have a connection to the school, a friend’s son is on the football team and the school has brand new digs for the swimming and diving team, motivating me to see more swim meets at my alma mater. It also helps that we are just over an hour away, so the drive to see a new restaurant in an old building, the drive back in time, is a little easier now.

  • There’s a Test for That

    Tomorrow my son is going to an assessment center for ADHD, much like the center we took London to in 2018 based on her preschool teacher’s recommendation. For the last three years Cam’s teachers have expressed concern about his attention span, constant movement, and now, noise-making throughout the school day.

    We have sort of delayed this assessment, first trying some Vanderbilt forms, then ignoring those because we moved, then trying again, but at the new school they didn’t know him well enough for those to be conclusive. We then tried some OT classes, which may or may not have helped yet, but we are still enrolled and still hopeful. But now, once again, a teacher is expressing concern so we have committed to an assessment.

    Camden is a little nervous about the outcome. I think he’s a little scared. He thinks, not surprisingly, that an ADHD diagnosis would mean he is going to become exactly like his sister or have all the same challenges she has. London does of course have ADHD and when she was Camden’s age she was already on meds for that, but she is also on the Autism spectrum, which means there are challenges she has that Camden has never had. But, he can’t exactly distinguish between the ADHD traits and the Autism traits and, frankly, some of the time we cannot either. He sees them as one and the same and worries about that.

    He responds to only so much of our comforting and assurances that it’s not bad if he does have ADHD. We tell him that there’s nothing to be scared of. Meds could help and they’re nothing to shy away from or to be embarrassed by. I think he might be coming around to the idea that it could end up okay, but I expect a rush of tears and concern if he is diagnosed with ADHD. Although, we won’t have answers for at least two weeks after the appointment.

    As parents, we are desperate for help and answers. Having gone through this with London, I have this fear of Camden going through the assessment and then receiving some crazy diagnosis out of left field like what happened in the wake of London’s testing and the subsequent ASD diagnosis. I hope and pray that the answer is nothing overwhelming to us, but also that the answer isn’t inconclusive. We got that last year after the second round of Vanderbilt forms and things have become much more challenging since then.

    So testing tomorrow at 9am, but as usual with this process, it’s a hurry up and wait situation for several weeks before a diagnosis and more time to roll out the strategies and solutions. Not our first rodeo.

  • Anthropic’s Warning: AI Could End Humanity

    I don’t follow Mandy Patinkin in Instagram, but enough of my followers and people I follow, follow him that his post from this morning showed up on my feed. It was a series of screenshots from an X.com user named Jacob Coxon who says that he resigned from Anthropic yesterday. I read the rest of his post, which was quite alarming, actually terrifying. Here’s a scary nugget…

    Like all things on social media, I wanted to confirm Coxon was a real person and truly used to work at Anthropic. Sure enough, he is very real, and Variety wrote a piece about his X post here. They reached out to Anthropic and got ahold of two senior-level employees who basically affirmed what Coxon said in his X post. From the article: Hubinger wrote the company did “earnestly believe AI could kill all humans” and that he thought it was a greater than 10% risk “within the next desk.”

    The Variety article is an excellent summary of Coxon’s post, Anthropic’s response, and other relevant quotes from very powerful people explaining why companies are racing toward a super intelligence they will not be able to control and have already lost understanding of.

    We have come to expect companies to compete against each other, so it is no surprise that Anthropic and OpenAI (and others) aren’t slowing down even when it seems the end goal will literally mean our end. And that’s not concerning to our government either. Just yesterday, the Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent was quoted, “There is no day after tomorrow if China wins at this…If they were to pull ahead of us on AI, then nothing else matters.” What Bessent clearly doesn’t grasp is that it doesn’t matter who wins the race to an AI super intelligence. Can someone explain to him that there is not a trophy or a ribbon or a big bottle of champagne at the end of this race? Even the people who are in it know there’s already a 10% chance (they’re being conservative) that the participation prize at the end of the AI race is some super intelligent, sentient AI telling us, “Congrats, humans. Now you don’t get to live anymore.”

    Furthermore, Bessent is assuming that if we get the technology first, we will use it for the good of the world, we will use it responsibly, and that any other country will use it to our harm, right away, and intentionally. That hasn’t been the case with the United States and deadly technology in the past. We are super good at turning anything into a weapon, but the next weapon will just turn on us. It will be too late at that point.

  • Exploring AI’s Impact: A Podcast Worth Your Time

    Life got in the way of writing something longer today, but I wanted to share something else worth reading or listening to, a podcast episode from The Daily. It’s titled “A.I. Is Outsmarting Its Creators.” (You can also find this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever else you get podcasts.)

    It’s a fascinating listen from the New York Times‘ tech reporter, Kevin Roose, who has tried to stay optimistic about the promise of AI throughout his reporting, but admitted on air to Michael Barbaro that one element of this story put a chill down his spine. Great listen, but also something I think we have a duty to digest as AI is seemingly everywhere now and only going to become a greater presence in our lives.

    To me, an AI pessimist, this story is scary as all get out. I do not feel at all like there is a precedent for the moment we find ourselves in. If I’m looking for one, then maybe it’s the advent of the nuclear bomb, when a new, scary technology became widespread enough that its use would mean mutually assured destruction. Obviously, we have abstained from its use post-Hiroshima and Nagasaki, otherwise I wouldn’t be here writing this. So far we have learned to live with it, but not use it.

    Such cannot be the case with AI, it is everywhere. I have a friend working for a tech company building websites and I spoke with him at length about AI last night. His description of what AI does for him on a daily basis was insane. I mentioned this episode of The Daily and he’s familiar with the story. I asked him what he thought and his response is similar to what I’ve heard before, “The genie is out of the bottle. You gotta use it or you’ll get left behind.”

    That’s what worries me. And boy, I’m glad we didn’t have that mentality about nukes in the post-WWII world.

  • The Struggles of Being an At-Home-Parent in a Career-Driven LinkedIn World

    After 12.5 years as a full-time parent based out of the home (new title, same job), I have decided to check in on LinkedIn. Let’s see what we got here…

    The first thing I notice is a stranger expressing excitement that they are going to the same university that I did to pursue an MA in International…something. I cringe because the financial burden they are strapping onto their back is massive. Will it be worth it?

    The weirdest thing to see, but also not the most surprising, is that people I went to grad school with are now thirteen years into a career (related or not to International Studies), but with titles like Manager, Director, Sr. Editor, etc. I get caught up in comparing (“the thief of joy” – TR) their post-grad life to mine. In most cases these people were much younger, single, and untethered to a location upon graduating. They have a polished LinkedIn presence with professional headshots and a work history that begins in 2013 right around the time mine ends.

    A lot of people get on LinkedIn to just “like” posts about open positions at their company, a co-worker’s retirement announcement, or a co-worker who is starting a new role at the same company or a new one, but other than this they are ghosts on the site.

    Then there are the people that seem to treat it as a personal blog, oversharing of their field-related articles, and opining away, filling up the feed with posts that always end in a linked “more.” No thanks.

    What has bothered me before about the site is still there, the self-promotion (I guess that’s the biggest use of LinkedIn, its purpose?). It’s endless. Everyone angling for a promotion, a raise, a new job. It’s a humble brag career site. I guess it’s “career-relevant” ejaculate that I’ve never been good at, nor cared for. I see it from people and it’s an immediate red flag, which makes sense for me because the most successful and admirable people in my life don’t post on LinkedIn and likely don’t even have a profile here.

    But I have a profile here. I was told I absolutely needed one in 2010. I would use it to network, make meaningful, lasting connections which will launch my career and then help me up the corporate level to unknown riches at the top. Okay, maybe I put a little flourish on that, but there are delusions of grandeur tied to what a LinkedIn profile can do for you especially coming out of the mouths of your school’s career development office.

    The most I have used this site for is another location to share a link to my own personal blog. So, at times, I am guilty of what I was just criticizing, but I used it very sparingly and I have abandoned all hope of the social media site providing me a path to employment.

    For real though, logging onto LinkedIn is a reminder of all things that have flown by me and disappeared beyond the horizon while I have been in the depths of parenting for these almost thirteen years. I don’t feel like I’ll ever run fast enough to catch up. It’s the rat race and LinkedIn desperately wants you to run in it. Resist the urge, I say.

  • Infinite London

    Even though it was only 10 days, the trip to London this summer occupies most of the summer for me. I can’t shake it from my mind. The poet Thomas Moore expresses a similar feeling in these lines: Go where we may. Rest where we will. Eternal London haunts us still.

    The vast city has occupied a generous part of my mind for twenty years. When I am gone from it for years at a time I begin to wonder if it’s really all that it’s cracked up to be. I start to feel a little sheepish about my infatuation with it. These feelings grew stronger as our departure date inched closer on the calendar because it’s a big deal to bring your kids across the ocean to a mythical, but very real city, that they have heard about their entire lives, let alone being named after.

    I wanted so badly for my kids to love London, for the cost to feel justified, for the city to instantly sweep them off their feet as it did to me. I wanted them to feel, see, hear, and to even smell the chaos of it all and to see what happens next.

    What happened next was everything to me. My hesitancy about the trip washed away. London took me again in its encompassing embrace and I got to watch the wonders of the city reflected on my kids’ faces. It was worth more than we paid.

    My eldest, London (12), was attentive to every detail from properly using her Oyster card to describing Paul Delaroche’s painting, The Execution of Lady Jane Grey, in the National Gallery (as we walked there). Camden (8) was infatuated with the buses, trains, boats, and the giant jets arcing over us on their approach to Heathrow. In rooms that housed the Rosetta Stone and van Gogh’s Sunflowers, he was more interested in driving his British-themed scooter across the floor, but this was not at all surprising; his complete lack of interest in art museums being a long-established character trait.

    For eight days we moved through London like pros, trying to see as much as feasible, but at a pace that allowed for Camden to eat a chocolate croissant from nearly every Pret A Manger we saw and for me to consume a tasty pint in as many pubs and attractions as possible.

    When it was time to catch that last train to Heathrow and none of us wanted to leave I felt a sense of accomplishment. This was the goal. Show them London. Fall in love with it all over again. Mourn our departure. Insist we go back. And to feel deep down in our bones the truth in Samuel Johnson’s quip, “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.”

    “London goes beyond any boundary or convention. It contains every wish or word ever spoken, every action or gesture ever made, every harsh or noble statement ever expressed. It is illimitable. It is infinite London.” – Peter Ackroyd, London: The Biography

  • Horsetooth Half Recap

    A couple weeks ago I took my third crack at this notoriously difficult half marathon course. It was the ninth half marathon I’ve raced (darn it, I really thought I was in the double digits by now) and this time around I was not pleased with my performance. I’ll write a bit more about that later, but first, some observations from race day.

    One of the many hills on the HTH course.

    There is really nowhere else in the human experience where you can find a large group of people more excited about a massive bank of porta potties than at the starting area of a race. Everyone lines up for a nervous shit (I don’t understand you if you only need to pee). Once you have sunglasses, phone, and energy gels secured so none of it will fall into the depths of that tank, it’s the greatest relief to sit down and take care of that last thing on your race prep checklist. This truly was what I was thinking about that morning as I patiently waited for my turn to squat.

    Moving on. One thing I love about the Horsetooth Half (HTH) is the sense of community at the start. We are all there to run a half––not an easy thing to do––but a half that just absolutely kicks your ass right off the bat with about 500 feet of climbing in the first 1.7mi. We are there for a multitude of reasons. We will all feel the pain––the suffering is optional. And we will all reunite over a free beer at New Belgium Brewery in 13.1mi.

    The strategies of the HTH are absolutely hilarious to me. To be sure, to call these strategies is not accurate, but someone thought sprinting up the hills was a good way to get over them…well, not if you want to be able to run for the next 10+ miles. I encountered one guy who was determined this was the way. It is not the way. Yes, he passed me several times, but there’s a wall out there and he smashed into it around mile 5. I hope he finished.

    As seen in The Coloradoan.

    Next is the runner who has not seen what they are getting into. This runner knows it’s a hilly course, but they’ve forgotten it’s a mountainous course for the first few miles. I was running next to someone like this as we rounded the corner on Monster Mountain to see the climb disappear over the false summit. Loudly he said, “Holy sh………” His exclamation really drifted off like that. He was genuinely surprised at what lied ahead. I hope he finished.

    I know it’s not easy for Kate to haul the kids around on race days, dealing with the crowds, finding parking, and getting to a spot, sometimes several, from which they can cheer me on, but I love when they do. It lifts my spirits and it’s great for the kids to not only see their dad running hard, but to see all the many types of people who are out there doing there best from start to finish.

    As for my race, well, I’m glad the family was there at the end because that helped my spirits with my underwhelming performance. This is the HTH, not a PR-friendly course, and I never thought that was within reach, but 1:40:00 seemed entirely reachable. By mile 4 I felt like 1:40 was slipping away from me. I could literally watch the bright yellow 1:40 pacer flag disappear out in front of me on hill after hill and then again on turn after turn. I crossed the line at 1:43:23 with no kick left in my legs. Usually, I pride myself in a kick, passing one to three runners in the finish chute, but this day people did that to me. When it happened, I glanced to my left and an official race photo caught the moment. I look disgusted.

    Getting passed at the finish…usually something I do to others. You can see my mom over my right shoulder.

    This was the first half marathon I didn’t follow a training plan for. First mistake right there. Even though I’ve been hitting 30 miles a week since the New Year, I did not run enough of those miles at tempo pace and I certainly didn’t do enough speed work. I had plenty of hill work and I felt that, but on the flats I could not reach the gears I usually can when I’ve properly trained for a race. My second mistake was consuming too many energy gels during the race. Overconsumption contributed to my sluggishness, I’m convinced of that.

    So, I will need another half marathon soon to redeem myself. I’m eyeing the wonderful Fall Equinox Half Marathon. I’ve raced it before, getting a PR on that course. I don’t know if a PR is in the works, leaning no, but something faster than 1:43 is definitely going to happen.

  • The Autistic Athlete

    What I see when London participates in sports is a mind that wants to go faster, a face that believes in her ability, but a body that isn’t quite there yet. It’s a real thing that some studies suggest 50% of autistic children deal with and it is called hypotonia (low muscle tone). Autism Parenting Magazine defines it as:

    …muscles feel soft or floppy even though they’re not weak. It’s a neurological issue, not a strength one. Muscle tone refers to the resting tension in a muscle. In other words, it’s the readiness of a muscle to activate and hold posture. Strength, on the other hand, is about how much force a muscle can exert. A child with low tone may look relaxed or even lazy, but they’re actually working harder than other kids just to sit upright or hold a pencil. It can impact everything from gross motor skills, such as running, to fine motor tasks, like buttoning a shirt.

    It’s been a long time since London struggled with fine motor skills, but gross motor skills continue to be much more challenging for her than they are for neurotypical middle school kids. When I watch her compete in XC or track my heart is so proud of her, but it also aches at the same time too, just wanting a level playing field for once. When it comes to sports, I don’t know if she will ever have one and as someone who grew up with heaps of expectations on him to be a great athlete I know what it can be like to not meet them. So I try and I try to not have expectations when it comes to sports, but I fail again and again.

    When I sat down this morning to write this I did a bit of research into hypotonia in autistic children and teens. One of the more interesting bits of information I found was a conclusion from a study, that I don’t have access to, but still I find it worth sharing now. The study followed autistic and non-autistic youth from childhood into their teens and found that, “Strength gaps got bigger as kids became teens. Autistic youth fell further behind in grip, core, and leg power. Other motor skills stayed about the same. Ceiling effects on easy tasks may hide later problems.”

    The study’s conclusion and action item:

    Strength deficits in autistic clients widen fast during the teen years, so build quick power moves into every session.

    It’s a report aimed at helping BCBAs and therapists develop strategies to offset the effects of hypotonia in autistic children, but it was helpful for me to see that conclusion because I’m not really helping London in that way. There are things that I could be doing with London to develop some strength and muscle mass and the activities would only take a few minutes every other day. In the long run, will this level the playing field? I don’t think so. I don’t know. But it’ll bring her body closer to matching the sheer determination on her face and the burning desire to simply belong and feel like one of her peers.

  • Horsetooth Half Marathon!

    It’s race week! Time to panic, I mean, spend all week trying not to panic about the upcoming race even though I’ve spent the last three months gearing up for it, which, this year, is a big one––the Horsetooth Half Marathon. If you know anything about this race, you know its distance isn’t really the hard part. It’s this elevation profile (below), specifically the first 1.7mi, the Dam Hill (sort of), and that Bingham Hill climb. Despite this profile, race organizers really drive home the fact that the course is net downhill as if that’s gonna make it mentally or physically easier. It does not. Physically, it’s an obviously tough course, but mentally tougher in ways because those downhill segments go by so quickly and just after mile 8 the course feels unbearably flat, hot, and somewhat boring the rest of the way.

    This year, I have prepared for the climbs in a way I did not the previous two times I have run this race. A weekly trail run with a friend has helped greatly, but I have sought out hillier terrain on a much more regular basis in the lead up to this race. I have run the first several miles of the course quite a few times, including a 5.5 mi out and back run from the start, which had 1346 ft of elevation gain. Still, on an easy 3-mile run this morning I felt panic creep in as it always does days before a race. Did I do enough tempo runs? Enough speed work? What can I do this week to get faster? Should I run 3 miles right now or 4 miles?

    Reminding myself again and again that the actual race is just part of the experience, not everything, is also a race week tradition, especially as I have matured as a runner and racer. It’s the HTH and here are a few truths I’m going to repeat to myself throughout the week.

    The hills are going to be hard no matter what. Run them a bit slower than you think you can and you’ll be very thankful the rest of the way.

    Run the tangents everywhere you can.

    The race is nowhere near over after you summit at Bingham Hill.

    Take all the gels and fuel you comfortably can.

    Smile for the cameras and enjoy the views.

    Wave at your family. This seems like an obvious one, but in past races I have certainly chugged by without looking in their direction.

    No matter what happens, the finish line at this race is fantastic. A great chute, loud fans, a great announcer, and good beer afterward.

    Show your kids that doing hard things, and hopefully doing them well, is a thing worth doing. The picture below is from the 2023 finish. It was a hard thing that year and I did not do it well, but the kids didn’t care. Show them that you can forgive yourself for mistakes made in training or during the race. The race is still worth running. No matter how you finish, they’ll take your hand and look up to you.

    Have a delectable recovery beer.

  • Review: 2000 Meters to Andriivka

    Two years ago the winner of best documentary feature at the Oscars was a movie called 20 Days in Mariupol, directed by Mstyslav Chernov. The movie includes compelling and tragic footage and interviews from the first few weeks of Ukraine’s war with Russia following Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine in 2022. It was one of the hardest docs to watch, but I could not look away. I might have even blogged about, which really says a lot because at that time I wasn’t writing about anything. I found the movie to be a compelling argument for the US to continue to send aid and funds to Ukraine so they could continue this fight, maybe even push Russia out of Ukrainian territory.

    Last year, Chernov returned with a documentary feature film, 2000 Meters to Andriivka. It’s available to watch on PBS. You don’t even need a passport subscription to watch it. Chernov’s latest documentary is a sobering look at where Ukraine is now, specifically struggling through their much-publicized counteroffensive in the summer of 2023. The mission Chernov focuses on involves Ukrainian troops moving through a narrow strip of forest 2000 meters long, so that they can reach Andriivka, a small, but critical town along Russia’s resupply line. The Ukrainian soldiers must stay in the forest because on either side of it are large, barren fields filled with mines. The forest used to be a forest. By the time Ukraine’s push for Andriivka takes place the tops of trees have been blown off, the only green is ground growth, and the Russians have built trenches and tunnels weaving back and forth across this ribbon of war-torn Europe.

    Throughout the film the Ukrainian side appears focused, motivated, justified, but also disorganized and undersupplied. In contrast, Russia seems rich with soldiers (the dead ones litter the forest belt to Andriivka) and munitions, constantly shelling the strip from afar and at one point not discriminating between Ukrainian troops and their own. Andriivka is finally reached by the Ukrainians, but Russia has laid waste to the village. All buildings and infrastructure is demolished and the viewer gets the impression that Russia will just redirect their supply lines and that the whole push for this town was just Russia draining more life from Ukraine.

    Whereas 20 Days was a solid argument to keep up the fight against Russia, 2000 Meters is a strong argument for both parties to come to the table and settle the war sooner rather than later. Ukraine will never stop fighting and Russia will never run out of young men to send to the front lines. That’s the overwhelming feeling I had during this entire movie, which is mostly comprised of body camera footage from the Ukrainian soldiers tasked with getting to Andriivka. And when they got there, a flag was raised, extending out from a barely-standing brick wall, near which the soldiers find one living creature, a house cat, taken back to safety in a soldier’s backpack. The shot of the flag and the pathetic meows from the backpack underscore the vanity of it all.

  • We Just Said A Little Loud Prayer As A Team

    Trump’s party and their “Christian” message is probably creating more atheists and agnostics than any other point in American history. I’m making an assumption here, an accurate one, I think, but certainly not one for which the necessary studies have been conducted.

    What leads me to conclude this about Trump and his party are the messages he put out into the world on Easter morning and today, Tuesday, April 7, 2026. His Easter message was this:

    And this morning, he went with another equally inspiring and “Christian” message:

    I’m just gonna gloss over the fact that Obama would have been impeached if he ever tweeted, Praise be to Allah, on Easter or any other day because that’s not what this post is about.

    This post is about how confusing and hard it must be to arrive at the Christian faith nowadays. The most public references to God and faith I see/hear on a daily basis are, unfortunately, from the American regime. If it’s not Trump’s Happy Easter message, then it’s Pete Hegseth’s messaging that our war with Iran is a just and holy cause, that God is on our side. Or it’s Karoline Leavitt’s bizarre exclamation to start off a presser last week, “Could you hear our ‘amen’ in there? We just said a little loud prayer as a team.” Imagine circling up for a prayer (bragging about it, too), then going out to face the media to promote and justify killing innocent Iranians or to talk about taking out Iranian infrastructure? If I were looking for a religion, a savior, a movement to put my faith in why, oh why would it ever be the “Christian” one the power players in the GOP serve to us on a daily basis? How could anyone make the connection from Jesus’ words to the words featured above?

    Faith-wise, I am in a place that is not tied to a political party. I am highly skeptical of any talk that refers to God being on our side, whether the conflict in question is a war or an NCAA football game. I think it’s a good, informed, wise place to be, but not the end of the journey (just where I am). If I was coming of age now, looking at the party and the people exclaiming that they are God’s warriors, I would not arrive at the same place. I don’t know what I would be. Agnostic? Maybe. I know one thing, “Christians” would be the most confusing people ever and I wouldn’t once say, I want what they’re having.

    My kids are coming of age in this tumultuous time, in which the Christian faith has been hijacked by a political party in the most obvious and obscene ways I have ever witnessed. When my daughter and son see things on the news and turn to me questioningly, I am reminded to tell them the message Mr. Roger’s mom told him, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

  • Must See TV: Dan and Madden Orlovsky

    Last year was the first time Dan Orlovsky’s son, Madden, was on ESPN live for World Autism Awareness Day. I remember coming across the clip on Instagram and it immediately stopped my scroll. I watched it multiple times. I wept. I recognized in Dan the pride he has in his son. It was so touching and instantly relatable. Well, Madden made his triumphant return to the ESPN set yesterday and it was some of their best programming they do all year. I have linked to the clip below (ESPN does not let me share the clip on my site). The most tender part of the video starts at 8:00 and goes to 11:00. It will have you in tears, especially if you know someone with Autism (or have a heart), but if you have twelve minutes to spare, give the whole thing a watch.

    I love that ESPN doesn’t just do a two-minute segment with Dan and Madden. Madden hangs out in the studio for a long time, provides some hilarious off-camera comments, and the entire studio features Madden’s drawings, which are perfect. So ESPN, from one little tiny blog to one giant, corporate, sports behemoth, thank you for highlighting the emotions, thoughts, excitement, and artistry of an autistic child. And to see Dan Orlovsky’s reactions is to see myself in similar moments I have had with London, albeit they weren’t in a fancy TV studio.

    Madden Orlovsky decorates the NFL Live studio for World Autism Awareness Day.

  • Give Autism A Chance

    Today marks the beginning of Autism Acceptance Month. Two things really quick. One, that’s every month in this house. And two, I am not great at always making note of acceptance/awareness days and months, especially if we are already living it.

    My message to you on this day is be kind to those that seem slightly to drastically different than you. We have had some sad conversations with our daughter lately, tales of friends telling her they “need their space.” Similar observations have been made by her care team at school, who did a student observation of London prior to our IEP meeting with her in December. They watched her during lunch and observed her walking “to dispose of her food tray and returned to the table, sitting with some physical distance from six peers [read: by herself, my addition]. The peers did not orient toward her, greet her, or engage her in conversation. London fidgeted at the table and got up multiple times.”

    When Kate and I reviewed this information with London’s team in December we both starting crying. It’s like having your worst social fears for a child confirmed. I felt as if my heart was on the floor and people were taking turns stomping on it. It was one of the more difficult meetings we have ever had with her teachers and care team at any school, but it was this school’s idea to give her more support. We are so thankful for their suggestion and follow through.

    Since then there have been some helpful elements and meetings added to her IEP and I believe those have helped. But the struggle is long and still with us (probably always will be), evidenced by this week’s stories of notes passed back and forth between London and a friend, with the conclusion that London is not considered a friend by this person.

    London can talk more than average. She has an inclination to get closer to you than most middle-schoolers would feel comfortable with. She is bursting with ideas and wants to let the world know. I know that can be tough for some, especially for her peers, who are not as accepting as I know they will become. I think London has recognized this from the earliest years, having a strong attraction to adults, preferring to converse with them. No doubt, London learned to recognize friends as those who listen and adults listen so much better than kids, so adults often are her dearest friends. She might not come across as mature for her age, but in this way she has been waiting for years for her peers to catch up to her. I want so badly for her peers to join her at this level and I believe the right ones will, but it is an agonizing wait, the weight of which can just crush my spirit for days on end.

    London doesn’t ask for much, but she yearns for friendship like all of us. All autistics do. So this month, and hopefully beyond, when you encounter someone who is wired differently than you, please engage, befriend, converse, smile, invite, hug (but ask first), sit with, and give them the same things you would want in a friend. If you do that, I promise they will enrich you in ways no neurotypical person ever could. We know the truth of that in this house. And I want you to know it too.

  • 2005 vs 2026: A Comparison of Winning Swims at NCs

    In collegiate swimming if you make NCs (National Championships) you’re already a very fast swimmer. If you did that and finaled in an event, I pretty much thought of you as a god back in the day when I was swimming at the University of Wyoming.

    NCs just took place last week and the times were very impressive. So, how do the winning times at NCs in 2005, when I was a senior, compare to this year’s championships? Well, you probably didn’t ask yourself that, but I did, and I’m very curious to see how the gods of the pool back in the day, like Lochte, Bousquet, Grevers, and Draganja, would have finished in 2026’s very impressive field.

    Here’s how the winners in 2005 stack up to the winners in 2026. I’ll list the winning time from 2005, the result of that time in 2026, and the winning time from 2026.

    50 Free – Frederick Bousquet 18.90, would have finished 20th, and the winning time was 18.06.

    100 Free – Duje Draganja 41.49, would have finished 15th, and the winning time was 39.91.

    200 Free – Simon Burnett 1:33.28, would have finished 36th, and the winning time was 1:30.03.

    500 Free – Peter Vanderkaay 4:09.82, would have finished 6th, and the winning time was 4:06.56.

    1650 Free – Larsen Jensen 14:32.01, would have finished 5th, and the winning time was 14:10.03.

    100 Backstroke – Matt Grevers 45.62, would have finished 33rd, and the winning time was 42.61.

    200 Backstroke – Ryan Lochte 1:38.37, would have finished 5th, and the winning time was 1:34.13.

    100 Breaststroke – Gary Marshall 52.68, would have finished 35th, and the winning time was 49.90.

    200 Breaststroke – Vladislav Polyakov 1:53.93, would have tied for 24th, and the winning time was 1:48.61

    100 Butterfly – Duje Draganja 45.39, would have finished 29th, and the winning time was 42.49.

    200 Butterfly – Davis Tarwater 1:42.30, would have finished 26th, and the winning time was 1:37.66.

    200 I.M. – Ryan Lochte 1:41.71, would have finished 7th, and the winning time was 1:38.48.

    400 I.M. – Oussama Mellouli 3:39.19, would have finished 13th, and the winning time was 3:32.96.

    200 Free Relay – Cal 1:15.78, would have finished 15th, and the winning time was 1:12.46.

    400 Free Relay – Cal 2:47.70, would have finished 12th, and the winning time was 2:42.38.

    800 Free Relay – Florida 6:16.53, would have finished DEAD FUCKING LAST (truly astonishing, they would not have beat Yale this year), and the winning time was 6:05.82.

    200 Medley Relay – Cal 1:25.30, would have finished LAST, and the winning time was 1:20.07.

    400 Medley Relay – Stanford 3:06.45, would have finished 27th, and the winning time was 2:56.79.

    Wow! This year was fast, but I’m shocked by some of these results, especially the 800 Free Relay. It’s clear that collegiate swimmers have made huge gains in their 200 Free times in the last 21 years. Ryan Lochte was on that Florida 800 team and even with that boost their time would not have been anywhere near the top 8 in this year’s field. Likewise, the championship swim from 2005 in the 200 Free was 1:33.28, a very impressive achievement at the time, but now a paltry 36th place at this year’s championships.

    Since I thought the winners in 2005 were gods of the pool, I’m at a complete loss of words for the 2026 champions. Jaw-dropping performances.

    About to swim my last 50 Free for the University of Wyoming at Corbett Pool. I’m second from the bottom. 2005.

  • 2026 Oscar Predictions Nobody Asked For

    Timothée Chalamet is not going to win the Oscar for Actor in a Leading Role. That’s a prediction for who will not win, but predicting the winner this year feels like a guessing game in a way it hasn’t for years. I used to post Oscar predictions on an old blog. I was just looking at them here. Previous posts about them come across as cringy, funny, and incorrect. No one was asking for the predictions at the time and no one is now, but I am going to do it anyway. If you want to hear what the pros predict, please, please give The Big Picture a listen.

    Old Oscar Thoughts from 2008.

    Shall I continue?

    Actor in a Leading Role. Nominees: Timothée Chalamet (Marty Supreme), Leonardo DiCaprio (One Battle after Another), Ethan Hawke (Blue Moon), Michael B. Jordan (Sinners), Wagner Moura (The Secret Agent)

    Winner: Michael B. Jordan. Going with the slight underdog here. Earlier in the race, DiCaprio seemed like a lock and even earlier Chalamet was the favorite, but MBJ has a full head of steam here, fresh off a SAG win. What he does in Sinners, playing twins with noticeably different mannerisms and affectations, is terribly impressive. Personally, I think DiCaprio’s performance is the more impressive one, but MBJ has the momentum and buzz right now.

    Actor in a Supporting Role. Nominees: Benicio Del Toro (One Battle after Another), Jacob Elordi (Frankenstein), Delroy Lindo (Sinners), Sean Penn (One Battle after Another), Stellan Skarsgård (Sentimental Value)

    Winner: Sean Penn. I feel like Skarsgard and Lindo have good chances too, but I’m sticking with Penn’s performance. He plays one sick dude in this movie.

    Actress in a Leading Role. Nominees: Jessie Buckley (Hamnet), Rose Byrne (If I Had Legs I’d Kick You), Kate Hudson (Song Sung Blue), Renate Reinsve (Sentimental Value), Emma Stone (Bugonia)

    Winner: Jessie Buckley by a mile. Rose Byrne gets the silver. If anyone else wins, they got it wrong.

    Actress in a Supporting Role. Nominees: Elle Fanning (Sentimental Value), Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas (Sentimental Value), Amy Madigan (Weapons), Wunmi Mosaku (Sinners), Teyana Taylor (One Battle after Another)

    Winner: Teyana Taylor. Much harder to predict than the leading role winner, but I think she edges out Madigan, although it would be so cool if Madigan won.

    Animated Feature Film. Nominees: Arco (Ugo Bienvenu, Félix de Givry, Sophie Mas and Natalie Portman), Elio (Madeline Sharafian, Domee Shi, Adrian Molina and Mary Alice Drumm), KPop Demon Hunters (Maggie Kang, Chris Appelhans and Michelle L.M. Wong), Little Amélie or the Character of Rain (Maïlys Vallade, Liane-Cho Han, Nidia Santiago and Henri Magalon), Zootopia 2 (Jared Bush, Byron Howard and Yvett Merino)

    Winner: KPop Demon Hunters. Since becoming a dad, I have seen every animated feature film nominated for an Oscar many times over. This year is an anomaly. I have only seen three of these movies so this is not a terribly-educated guess.

    Casting (a brand new Oscar category this year). Nominees: Hamnet (Nina Gold), Marty Supreme (Jennifer Venditti), One Battle after Another (Cassandra Kulukundis), The Secret Agent (Gabriel Domingues), Sinners (Francine Maisler)

    Winner: Sinners.

    Cinematography. Nominees: Frankenstein (Dan Laustsen), Marty Supreme (Darius Khondji), One Battle after Another (Michael Bauman), Sinners (Autumn Durald Arkapaw), Train Dreams (Adolpho Veloso)

    Winner: One Battle after Another (Michael Bauman).

    Costume Design. Nominees: Avatar: Fire and Ash (Deborah L. Scott), Frankenstein (Kate Hawley), Hamnet (Malgosia Turzanska), Marty Supreme (Miyako Bellizzi), Sinners (Ruth E. Carter)

    Winner: With my exceptionally deep knowledge of the subject, I am going to go with Sinners.

    Directing. Nominees: Hamnet (Chloé Zhao), Marty Supreme (Josh Safdie), One Battle after Another (Paul Thomas Anderson), Sentimental Value (Joachim Trier), Sinners (Ryan Coogler)

    Winner: Paul Thomas Anderson for One Battle after Another. Ryan Coogler has the best shot at bumping PTA from the top spot, but I don’t think the Sinners momentum is enough to make the knockout punch.

    Documentary Feature Film. Nominees: The Alabama Solution (Andrew Jarecki and Charlotte Kaufman), Come See Me in the Good Light (Ryan White, Jessica Hargrave, Tig Notaro and Stef Willen), Cutting through Rocks (Sara Khaki and Mohammadreza Eyni), Mr. Nobody against Putin (David Borenstein, Pavel Talankin, Helle Faber and Alžběta Karásková), The Perfect Neighbor (Geeta Gandbhir, Alisa Payne, Nikon Kwantu and Sam Bisbee)

    Winner: Mr. Nobody against Putin. I have a 20% chance at being right. I have seen all of these films except Cutting through Rocks, which has not been available to stream or rent yet. I have written about Mr. Nobody against Putin. What I didn’t write about at the time were the repercussions of making a movie like this. The filmmaker, Pavel Talankin, fled Russia, but everyone else is stuck there even if they expressed pro-democracy views or expressed concern about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. So, I worry for those people, but I think this is the movie that the Academy will award at this time though it is not the most widely seen.

    Documentary Short Film. Nominees: All the Empty Rooms (Joshua Seftel and Conall Jones), Armed Only with a Camera: The Life and Death of Brent Renaud (Craig Renaud and Juan Arredondo), Children No More: “Were and Are Gone” (Hilla Medalia and Sheila Nevins), The Devil Is Busy (Christalyn Hampton and Geeta Gandbhir), Perfectly a Strangeness (Alison McAlpine)

    Winner: All the Empty Rooms. I have not seen this, nor have I seen Children No More or Perfectly a Strangeness, but the description of All the Empty Rooms is this: Follows correspondent Steve Hartman and photographer Lou Bopp as they embark on a seven-year-long project to document the empty bedrooms of children killed in school shootings. I have yet to click play on this one even though it’s on Netflix. I don’t think anyone wants to watch this, but it should be required viewing for Republicans. Armed Only with a Camera and The Devil is Busy are both available on HBO MAX and are both quite good.

    For the rest of the categories I am simply guessing the winner, not listing nominees, and not elaborating on the guess. Furthermore, I am skipping some categories that I have no interest in or any real knowledge of.

    BEST PICTURE: One Battle after Another. Again, Sinners has the momentum here, but going with the traditional Academy winner here.

    Film Editing: One Battle after Another.

    International Feature Film: The Secret Agent (available on Hulu)

    Makeup and Hairstyling: Frankenstein.

    Music Original Score: Sinners, Ludwig Goransson.

    Music Original Song: GOLDEN, can it be anything else? Although I believe Train Dreams is magnificent.

    Sound: F1.

    Visual Effects: Avatar: Fire and Ash.

    Writing Adapted Screenplay: One Battle after Another, Paul Thomas Anderson.

    Writing Original Screenplay: Sinners, Ryan Coogler.

    Okay. Maybe I’ll be back to see just how bad I did on the categories I bothered predicting. As for the Oscars broadcast itself, I am pleased that Conan O’Brien is hosting again. He knocked it out of the park last year. You can watch them on ABC if you have cable or a terrifically positioned TV and antenna, which I do not. Luckily, you can stream them live on Hulu with a subscription and replay starting the next day.

    If you haven’t figured it out by now, I love movies.

  • USAID or War with Iran

    Way back in October of 2024, Elon Musk and his DOGE shock troopers, which included a man with the social media handle of Big Balls, claimed that they would cut $2 trillion from the federal budget. (That would be nearly a third of the entire budget.) It was a new era of austerity and employment cuts, such as eliminating 10,000 jobs at USAID.

    Of the targeted agencies, USAID was easily the most criticized. With an annual budget of $40 billion it was doing insane things like spending millions a day to save lives across the globe. But the expenditures that Trump and his truly lovely press secretary Karoline Leavitt liked to bitch about were so insignificant they wouldn’t pay for the fins on a tomahawk missile. We are talking about $47k for a trans opera of some sort in Colombia or $70k for a production of a musical in Ireland that reportedly promoted DEI ideas.

    The daily operating cost of USAID was around $109 million. So, the trans opera amounted to 0.043% of the daily operating cost of the entire agency. Some other neat facts about USAID: its budget was 0.3% of all federal spending, it ranked 19th in spending among federal agencies, and the share of USAID spending in FY 2024 was lower than in FY 1980, not ballooning like ole’ Musky would have us believe during his ketamine-fueled trips, I mean pressers, while standing next to Trump in the Oval Office.

    One last fact worth sharing comes to us from the Center for Global Development. They’ve calculated that as a result of USAID being gutted by Musk’s minions, 500,000 to 700,000 additional deaths will occur worldwide…per year. They’ve ever so kindly reported that their initial estimate is quite conservative and that the number will almost certainly be higher.

    USAID was the agency labeled as the enemy, the poster child for crazy, woke-riddled, DEI-pilled projects. But the main argument was that USAID is the best example of government spending gone wild! We were to believe that there was no justification for spending $109 million a day to save lives, prevent disease, to educate and uplift struggling populations across the globe.

    They want you to believe that spending $890 million a day on the Iran War is a better use of our dollars because, hey, at least it’s not woke, am I right? And these dollars aren’t being spent on DEI, they’re spent on killing people. That makes it all better for Trump and his followers. When they tell you they are fiscally conservative, ask them how much of total federal spending did USAID amount to?

    Ask them how much an F-15 costs? (Of which we’ve lost three so far in this war.) Answer: $90m a piece for a total of $300m lost.

    Ask them how much a tomahawk missile costs? Answer: $2m a pop.

    Ask them how much it cost to move war-making machines over to the Middle East and to keep them there? Answer: $630m for transportation. $13m a day to have two carriers there.

    Ask them how much a one-way drone costs? $35k a pop. (Source for these costs.)

    After all the hype, the little men and women working at DOGE to rid the country of wasteful government spending reported that they cut $160 billion in government spending, not $2 trillion like Musk promised. The only problem is, you have to trust DOGE to believe that $160 billion number because only 40% of that figure is broken down and detailed.

    Meanwhile, GOP lawmakers have heard estimates from the Pentagon that the Iran War is really costing $2 billion a day. Today marks day 9 of the conflict, bringing the total cost so far to $18 billion if you believe what the Pentagon insiders are saying, or a mere 8.01 billion if you want to use CNN’s conservative number.

    Put another way, the total cost of this war through day 9 is the equivalent of putting on 257,142 DEI plays in Ireland. Pick your poison, I guess, but for me it’s not even a choice. If one has to live with bloated government spending, I’ll choose, time after time, the kind that saves lives instead of blows them to pieces.

  • Super Tall – A Love/Hate List

    Love helping a person at the grocery store (usually a mom) with getting something off the top shelf, or even higher than that, you know the top of the grocery store shelves that is used for storage? That dreamy place that is truly off limits for you, but just another high shelf for me. Yes, I love that place.

    Hate car shopping. It’s already an unfortunate experience, but as soon as a car salesperson looks at me and confidently says, “Oh, you’ll fit in this car,” I’m about to ruin their day because no, a Toyota Highlander no longer fits super tall people and the salesperson’s job just got a lot harder.

    Love being the first to spot my kids from a gaggle of parents. We are all looking for our little ones and no matter if I’m in the front or the back, I see my kids first and, naturally, they see me first.

    Hate brands that I love, but they don’t have anything that fits me. Prime example, Patagonia. Blessed are the makers, but will you please make pants that fit someone over 6’5″? Your tops are great. And you make appropriately sized underwear, but your pants are truly lacking. Just introduce a tall size and I’ll buy lots of it and give you all the money.

    Love brands that fit me. I’m looking at you American Tall, you headquartered-in-Canada company, which makes me like you even more. Their clothes have changed my wardrobe for the better. I remember getting my first order of their jeans with a XL Tall long-sleeved tee. I put them on and was in heaven. I wanted to sleep in them. They brought me a simple joy that most people get to experience, wearing clothes that are made to fit your body.

    Hate sitting in an airplane seat. It’s been years since I have sat in a true economy seat. As they have shrunk over the last twenty years, stuffing myself into one just got to be this very painful exercise. Imagine folding yourself into the least comfortable position and being told to stay like that for 2.5 hr. Yeah, I’m just not doing that anymore. I spend extra money each time I fly to get into United’s Economy Plus or Delta’s Comfort+. As for Southwest, their recent changes in seating goes to aid super tall flyers like myself. It used to be that buying Early Bird was my best shot at getting good legroom, but that never guaranteed an extra legroom seat, it only bumped me toward the front of the line. There never failed to be some short frequent flyer in spot A12 who would take the extra legroom seat.

    Love that my height didn’t just mean I was gonna be good at one sport. I have athleticism too. I can’t tell you how many very tall athletes I have played with, coached, or watched, who were just there because they were tall. I have my parents to thank for the height, the reflexes, the agility, and the athleticism.

    Hate that I can’t blend into a crowd. Okay, I don’t always hate this, but being able to walk into a bar without seeing the heads of 15-20 patrons turn toward me would be nice. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that. Must get thyself to Norway.

    Love watching someone who thinks he’s the tallest in the room and then right when he walks by my table I stand up. Take that, whoever played Chewbacca at Disneyland on July 8, 2025.

    Could have taken Chewie’s job that day.

    Hate making a table and two chairs look like I’ve shrunk them. This is egregious in a Starbucks. I feel like I’m sitting on furniture that belongs in my son’s 2nd grade classroom.

    Love, Love, Love when people assume I cannot run that quickly and that I’m out there to jog a race. No, I can run and I’m there to race you and do my best to beat you.

    Hate looking for homes I fit in because…there just aren’t many.

    Love painting a ceiling without a ladder.

    Hate an airplane bathroom. (Certainly not exclusive to tall people.)

    Love owning toys that match me in size.

    My 15ft-long paddle board.

    Hate not fitting in bathtubs.

    Love having tall kids. Gosh, they grow so fast, but they look so good. Tall people are beautiful.

    Lastly, I love a good list. I hope you’ve enjoyed this.