I found this good recap of the Annual At-Home Dads Convention, recently held in Raleigh (last year it was in Denver). I agree with nearly everything in the article except for this:
“Minivans are cool now. They’re all tricked out.”
Month: September 2015
Music Class in my Active Wear
After music class this morning, this video is absolutely spot-on.
SAHD Guidelines for Music Class
Yesterday was my first music class with London. I need to write some things down so I remember them for the next nine classes to come…
Try as hard as you can to act like there is another dad in the room. You are the only one, but be as comfortable as if there were three other SAHDs present.
Try not to sweat when you’re feeling like all eyes are on you because all eyes aren’t on you. It just feels that way because you’re the only SAHD there. 
Just in case you do sweat a lot like yesterday, wear a darker shirt. Yesterday you wore a light blue shirt and within ten minutes you had a band of belly sweat visible on your shirt and by the end of the class it was impossible to hide the fact that you were pitting out.
Don’t drink a venti iced coffee from Starbucks right before music class. Trying to pee while holding London is not as easy as it once was. And yesterday you had to do it twice, right before class and immediately afterward.
Take pride in the fact that the first toddler on toddler assault yesterday was not London’s doing, but don’t forget to corral her if she starts winding up for a nice slap across the face, her customary greeting for babies.
If the opportunity arises, share London’s age. From past experience, I know there has to be someone there wondering why there is a three-year-old acting like a sixteen-month-old. Well, let them down gently, it’s because she is sixteen months old.
Also, be kind to anyone if they assume I am babysitting. Just because I am a dad and I am here with my daughter does not mean I am babysitting. I am parenting. No parent should feel like they are babysitting their own kid.
Do not assume a child’s age. Yes, he or she might be significantly smaller than London, but they might be six months to a a year older.
Just try to fit in. Try not to think of yourself as the pariah. You won’t be if you remember these things you’ve written down here. Oh yeah, and don’t sweat as much.
Shots From the Nashville Weekend
We were in Nashville for a wedding last weekend. None of us had been there so it was fun being introduced to a new city and its offerings. One of the first things we tried, that I particularly enjoyed, was Barista Parlor. It came recommended to me from a friend who had gone to it before and it just so happened to be a five minute walk from our Airbnb house. Their cold brew coffee is delightfully smooth. I had several of them over the weekend.
On the way up to the Fontanel Mansion. London rides in the bus like a big girl. This is so much better than holding her! That sounds bad, but she’s getting heavy and she’s already strong.
The great room at the mansion. We were the youngest people on the tour of the mansion by 20+ years and the only ones along who didn’t know one damn thing about country music or popular, television variety shows of the early 1980s. Factoid about the vertical log in the exact middle of this photo: Chuck Norris signed it. Strongest log in the house, the tour guide told us.
Not the first time I’ve been in a shower like this, but the first time I’ve had my picture taken while I’ve been in a shower like this. It’s worth documenting once.
When family selfies go well.
When family selfies go horribly.
Had to get some weenies at I Dream of Weenie, where they also sell Professional Weenie Handler pins.
Nashville was showing off the morning after the wedding. We had a great time walking around downtown. Our biggest gripe about the entire downtown area and other parts of Nashville is parking. Whoever owns Premier Parking in Nashville is making a lot of money. $16 to park for two hours? C’mon, this isn’t San Francisco. On our way to the airport yesterday we stopped by Opryland to look at the botanic gardens. No way that was going to happen because once we arrived we saw that parking was $23. Nice try, Opryland.
Panorama from the pedestrian bridge in downtown Nashville.
Other than the cost of parking (and almost anything along Honky Tonk row) Nashville really impressed us. We would love to go back again. Friendly people. Great food and coffee. Of course, good bars too. And a river going right through the middle of a city can only make things better.
We were all over with traveling by the end of yesterday, but especially this little gal. She did so well! Our next family trip is to Breckenridge for another wedding and then a week after that we are off to Milwaukee for a much-needed reunion with the Brew City and an opportunity to introduce London to family and friends!
Ten Insults SAHDs Hear
I read this great article yesterday. A stay-at-home dad writes about the ten insults he hears as a SAHD.
All of them are so accurate and pretty universal. I think I have heard eight out of ten. I have yet to hear, “It must be nice not to work” and “Seriously, you change diapers?”
Great read. Here’s the link.
What Makes You Happy?
With encouragement from my wife, I am very slowly reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I have enjoyed reading about Rubin’s year-long journey to a happier life.
The book includes a nice mix of practical and philosophical advice for a happier life. In 
the last chapter I read, Rubin spent a fair amount of time writing about what makes her happy. She kept asking herself, am I happy doing this? She asked her readers, what makes you happy? In response, Rubin and her blog readers concluded that what truly makes them happy is not always what they wish made them happy. For example, Rubin might be happiest being at home reading a book without interruption, but in her mind she is tormented by the thought that she might be happier on a hike even though she knows perfectly well that is not going to make her as happy.
Since reading the chapter I have been thinking about what sort of activities make me happy. At this point in my life, being able to do something without interruption makes me happiest. It does not really matter what that something is. If I can sit down and watch a movie without interruption, I am thrilled. Read a chapter of a book without being interrupted? So refreshing and invigorating. Refinishing an end table for our living room without an interruption? This actually give me a strong sense of accomplishment, which combined with the effort it takes to refinish furniture, gives me a lasting happiness that helps me through the menial tasks of SAHD duty: diaper changes, bottle service, dishes, laundry, house-cleaning, etc.
So, today, I set out to do a few things without interruption. One, go to Novo Coffee and read a couple of articles in Vanity Fair without interruption (done). Two, write a blog without interruption (currently in progress). Three, go home and eat lunch while watching an hour of television without interruption (coming soon). Four, work on refinishing an end table without the worry of being interrupted (also, coming soon).
Time for number three.
2 Good Documentaries
I regularly write movie reviews on a Facebook page I created a few years ago. When I feel like it, I’ll post them here as well. Both of the movies mentioned below are currently on Netflix.
Pantani: The Accidental Death of a Cyclist
The common cycling saga one hears about in the US is all about Lance 
Armstrong’s rise and fall, but this doc focuses on a cyclist who I’m embarrassed to mention I did not even know. Pantani raced in an age where every single team in the Tour and the Giro doped.
Had he been able to continue cycling, there does not seem to be doubt in people’s minds that he would have far exceeded Armstrong as the most successful doping cyclist to ever live.
The guy was a machine, seemed like he was made to ride a bike in a way that Armstrong never was. As soon as he hopped on his mom’s bike for his first training ride it was clear to his parents and his first coach that he was a prodigy. They were correct. But going pro turned out far more challenging than Pantani expected. The length of the rides were not a problem. The climbs were not a problem. The major challenge came when Pantani was introduced to the seedy underbelly of the cycling world at that time. This documentary follows Pantani’s arc as a professional, from his meteoric rise to the sudden, sad denouement.
This is a zany documentary about a zany kid who got his MA in IR from 
Georgetown and then decided he hadn’t done anything cool, wasn’t a man, didn’t know crap, so he rode his motorcycle across the Middle East, came home, and then went back to fight alongside friends he made in Libya against Gaddafi and his army. Oh, and he was also imprisoned for five months during Libya’s civil war.
The guy is unique and he knows it. His moderate to severe OCD also plays a prominent role in his journey as would be expected. It’s a fascinating tale and it makes for one wild ride.
Buy Me A Beer
No one knows what it is like to be a stay-at-home parent unless they have
done it themselves.
Maybe you watched your kids for a long weekend so your spouse could get a break. Maybe you watched your kids for a week while your spouse was away. Maybe you actually used all your paternity or maternity leave after your child was born. These are all great things to do. Necessary, in my view.
But doing all of those stints with your kid doesn’t give you enough experience to know what being a stay-at-home parent (SAHP) is like.
There is an end you can see in all three scenarios mentioned above. Of course, for SAHDs or SAHMs, there is also an end, but well beyond the horizon and out of sight. As a SAHD, I’m not yearning for the end of this job, but until you grasp the permanence of staying at home, you haven’t gotten a taste for the real thing.
And then you must prepare yourself because that’s the tip of the iceberg. There are so many challenging aspects of stay-at-home parenting. I have mentioned some of them in previous posts: limited adult-to-adult communication, a decent dose of isolation, the fact that you’re not making money, and facing the stigma associated with being a SAHD, which is certainly one thing SAHDs have to deal with a little more than SAHMs.
So why am I writing about this? Well, it’s long overdue. I have talked to too many people since becoming a SAHD who have never been a SAHD or SAHM themselves who imply that they know what it is like. Yet, we don’t do this in conversations with other professionals (and yes, I’m implying that I’m a professional and, once again, if you don’t get that, you’ve never been a stay-at-home parent) like doctors, accountants, or teachers. We don’t assume to know what daily challenges they face because we once used an epipen, did our own taxes using TurboTax, or completed a math problem on a chalkboard for an audience, respectively. So why do so many people assume they know the day-to-day ups and downs of SAHDs and SAHMs because they spend the weekend around their kids?
Because they assume it is easy. They assume it just must be like the weekend over and over again. How hard can that be?
I think the real problem is that being a stay-at-home parent is not viewed and talked about as a real job by enough people. Too many people talk about it as a hobby. I cannot tell you how far from the truth calling this a hobby is. Hopefully, I’ve conveyed that from time to time on this blog.
Next time you find yourself talking to a SAHP, treat them like a professional, understand that they work 80 hours a week, and buy them a beer because they don’t have a paycheck.
the FoCo dad 