A Drive Up Dayton

As I drive Dayton Street north to take my kids to school the city boundaries are so zig-zagged that I may be in Denver one block and in Aurora the next, never really quite knowing which city I am in from the moment I turn onto the street until I turn off of it in the Central Park neighborhood of Denver.

My house borders Dayton in southeast Denver, so I start the drive there, but I am quickly surrounded by the western edge of Aurora, the city that Trump claims has been taken over by a Venezuelan gang. I even drive within one block of the Edge at Lowry apartments, which made national headlines in the late summer/early fall when a ring doorbell camera recorded armed gang members knocking on an apartment door. Further north I drive by Vintage Theater, a staple among theater venues in the greater Denver area.

When Dayton approaches and crosses Colfax is when things get interesting. Colfax is bustling any time of day, but in the morning it’s full of pedestrians and bus riders going to and from school and work. There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to how pedestrians cross the street here or how drivers navigate the madness.

Once north of Colfax, Dayton is lined with day laborers who have congregated there for over two decades. They line the sidewalks with their lunches (if they are lucky enough to have them) and wave at any car that drives by, hoping the driver is looking to hire them for a project. When they wave at me, I don’t wave back, out of not wanting to give them some false hope. When a car does pull over though, it is surrounded and overwhelmed by people willing to work on just about any project I imagine. Regardless of the weather or time of year, Dayton Street from Colfax to 16th Ave is lined with those willing to work. I have seen a hundred workers on this block of Dayton.

Naturally, I have been interested in how Trump’s policies would affect this block of Dayton, especially since it is in Aurora and Trump stated that immigration raids would start in this city. Well, he’s a bit late, so he lied again, but they did start yesterday. Even prior to the raids, the number of day laborers drastically decreased. This morning, I counted five of them on the street, still friendly, still waving, still eager to do the work no one else is going to do.

Where have the rest gone? Well, that is a good question and I think in the days, weeks, and months ahead we might get answers or we might not, but for starters here is a fact (remember those?): based on the promised mass deportation, “Gross domestic product (GDP) would be reduced by 1.4 percent in the first year, and cumulative GDP would be reduced by $4.7 trillion over 10 years.” It is not a stretch to conclude either that day laborers who used to get regular work by lining the sidewalks of Dayton have been forced into a cat and mouse game with ICE agents, in which the immigrants might become more and more desperate to make a living here in Aurora or Denver. Surely, that will be the case for some immigrants. Where do they look for work now? Pushing them off the streets into the dark recesses of an Aurora apartment complex for the entire day can’t be good. They are looking for decent pay and constructive work in the daytime. When forced onto the streets at nighttime, the same might not be said. This would be a very unfortunate result of ICE raids here in Denver and elsewhere, but do keep in mind this is a population that respects the rule of law here in the US more than US-born Americans. So, they have that going for them, even though the strongest and most capable government in the world is not willing to help them anymore.

287 On My Mind

The fall of my freshman year, 5 days after 9/11, 8 cross country athletes died on 287 when they were hit by another UW student heading in the opposite direction. The deadliest crash in the highway’s history was an enormous event and terribly sad, especially for the UW community, the cross country athletes, and their families. However, on campus and in the news it got lost in that post-9/11 daze the entire country was in. The mourning of the two events blended into each other in what was the worst September any of us alive at the time had experienced.

Highway 287 between Laramie, Wyoming and Fort Collins, Colorado holds a special place in the heart of all UW students. It’s the quickest link between the two cities, with the other option being I-80 east to Cheyenne and then I-25 south to Fort Collins, at least a full thirty minutes longer. When a UW student wants to get away quickly it’s always 287. I am not sure there is a UW student who has ever avoided driving on or being driven on the highway. 287 is a right of passage, although a very risky one, for Cowboys and Cowgirls since the highway opened.

Upon arrival at UW, students learn one way or another that 287 is one of the most dangerous roads in America. Couple that with the fact that many of the drivers on it are college students feeling free and invincible and you get reckless, distracted, daredevil-like driving. I pushed my car to 100mph several times on that road merely because there were miles of empty road ahead of me. I too loaded into a car with other swimmers and was recklessly driven on that road by a crazy Swede senior on our team. I was not aware then as I am now just how many bullets I dodged on that road.

But the highway struck again last week. This time it was the swim and dive team who suffered the greatest loss. Three athletes died when their car swerved, lost control, and rolled several times. It’s been 23 years since a deadlier accident involving student-athletes happened on that highway so I am thinking about it much differently than last time. Even though the lives lost were swimmers, I find myself dwelling again and again on the parents of those athletes receiving that news, their greatest fear. I marveled at how the UWYO Women’s Swim and Dive team competed at their conference championship last week in the middle of this tragedy. I anticipate having the same feeling this week as the Men’s Swim and Dive team start their conference championship meet today in Texas.

My heart breaks for the team and the families involved. I know they will continue to defy the odds and rise up in the face of such loss. Once a Cowboy, always a Cowboy.

Dear Milwaukee

I know it had been a while, but I loved our very brief reunion. You reminded me that it is very easy to gain weight living in Wisconsin. With all the cheese curds, beef sticks, delicious beer, and six-year aged cheddar to eat, when would I ever find the time to work it off? It’s hard keeping up with your diet. By the looks of it, quite a few of your residents agree.

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Thanks, Wikipedia.

Driving over your Hoan Bridge still scares me a little bit. I think of the I-35W bridge collapse in Minneapolis every time I drive your span and then I think about what I would do or think during the long, long drop to the frigid waters of Lake Michigan. My face would probably freeze in a really stupid look and it would remain that way until I hit the water. Thanks for not collapsing.

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One view from the old commute.

I was reminded of the commute I had to an old job, specifically, just how damn beautiful it was. And yes, I took the Hoan Bridge because the view is worth it even though the bridge itself looks brittle. No, it wasn’t like driving up the coast of an ocean, but it was damn near it as long as you didn’t pay attention to the weather and focused on that strip of water that looks like it was pulled from the Caribbean and placed right there off the shore just for you.

This leads me to the weather. I had not forgotten that your weather can suck, but maybe it wasn’t the freshest memory in my head. After last weekend, you’ve remedied that. It was cloudy all weekend, windy, highs in the mid 50s. Honestly, I’ve seen that weather from you during nearly every month in the calendar. I remember a July 20th that felt like the middle of March.

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The beginning of a dynasty. Horizon League Champs 2010. I am in the upper right, arms outstretched.

Oh, and back to that commute. It took me to UW-Milwaukee, where I helped coach swimming for two years. I returned there to see some of the swimmers who were swimming at the time I was coaching and it was just perfect. These swimmers are now professionals (accountant, real estate agent, attorney, doctor), husbands, wives, and even some parents. I got to stand around and drink crappy beer with them (thanks for that awful taste in my mouth, Miller Lite) and share stories with one another about adulthood, but also about our brief, but fantastic stints as UWM swimmer and UWM coach, respectively. Sometimes those two years feel like peak career for me. That is ridiculous, I know. But still, do you know how many coaches coach for decades and never win a championship, never see their swimmers annihilate whole championship heats at conference? I saw both at UWM.

Milwaukee, I want to thank you for inexplicably plucking me from Colorado and setting me down on the shores of Lake Michigan. What a different land you are…from your cuisine, to your crap roads, to the stunning blues of the lake. It all combines to make you one sweet, little, big city.

Shots From the Nashville Weekend

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We were in Nashville for a wedding last weekend. None of us had been there so it was fun being introduced to a new city and its offerings. One of the first things we tried, that I particularly enjoyed, was Barista Parlor. It came recommended to me from a friend who had gone to it before and it just so happened to be a five minute walk from our Airbnb house. Their cold brew coffee is delightfully smooth. I had several of them over the weekend.

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On the way up to the Fontanel Mansion. London rides in the bus like a big girl. This is so much better than holding her! That sounds bad, but she’s getting heavy and she’s already strong.

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The great room at the mansion. We were the youngest people on the tour of the mansion by 20+ years and the only ones along who didn’t know one damn thing about country music or popular, television variety shows of the early 1980s. Factoid about the vertical log in the exact middle of this photo: Chuck Norris signed it. Strongest log in the house, the tour guide told us.

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Not the first time I’ve been in a shower like this, but the first time I’ve had my picture taken while I’ve been in a shower like this. It’s worth documenting once.

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When family selfies go well.

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When family selfies go horribly.

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Had to get some weenies at I Dream of Weenie, where they also sell Professional Weenie Handler pins.

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Nashville was showing off the morning after the wedding. We had a great time walking around downtown. Our biggest gripe about the entire downtown area and other parts of Nashville is parking. Whoever owns Premier Parking in Nashville is making a lot of money. $16 to park for two hours? C’mon, this isn’t San Francisco. On our way to the airport yesterday we stopped by Opryland to look at the botanic gardens. No way that was going to happen because once we arrived we saw that parking was $23. Nice try, Opryland.

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Panorama from the pedestrian bridge in downtown Nashville.

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Other than the cost of parking (and almost anything along Honky Tonk row) Nashville really impressed us. We would love to go back again. Friendly people. Great food and coffee. Of course, good bars too. And a river going right through the middle of a city can only make things better.

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We were all over with traveling by the end of yesterday, but especially this little gal. She did so well! Our next family trip is to Breckenridge for another wedding and then a week after that we are off to Milwaukee for a much-needed reunion with the Brew City and an opportunity to introduce London to family and friends!

That Wasn’t So Bad

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A view of Roxborough Park as we flew over Littleton yesterday.

We just got back from our first plane trip with London. Going into the weekend getaway in California, I was not that nervous about London’s behavior on the plane. I was mostly concerned with the technicalities of traveling with a stroller and our decision to lug her Radian RXT booster seat with us (this seat weighs 40 lbs, maybe more). I spent more time looking up travel tips last weekend than writing any blogs, hence the complete lack of posts for a week or so.

Flying truly has become more of a hassle in the post-9/11 days. Then you throw a baby in the mix and my head hurts. One tip that we followed, that probably most parents follow, is to arrive at the airport earlier than you would if you were flying sans baby. This is a great decision if you stress out over having to rush through everything at the airport like I do. I actually enjoy being able to be as slow as I want once I arrive at the airport. I feel less stressed and I am way more prepared if anything goes wrong, like if baby has a blowout, or if I forget to lock the stroller wheels in place and she goes rolling off toward security by herself.

I would rather be over prepared for something like flying with a baby. And I think I was, because it seemed almost easier. If it weren’t for having to sit on the plane with a baby in your lap, flying with a baby would be easier than flying without one, based on our sole experience. At both airports we checked bags at the curb, immediately freeing ourselves of some tremendous weight and time waiting in line. At security, we were selected for the fast line, and at DIA for the TSA Precheck line. We didn’t have to stand in the stupid X-ray machine either. Maybe we looked absolutely clueless the entire time because we just seemed to be given preferential treatment wherever we walked. Little did everyone know that I spent a week studying for this like it was a final.

The part about traveling with a baby that is a drag is the actual plane ride itself. Even if your baby is very well behaved, like mine, you can’t really relax while holding him or her. One thing I love about flying is turning my phone off, being disconnected from the world for a few hours, and really getting into a book or reading a magazine from cover to cover. That won’t be an option for quite a few years, but I’ll get it back. In the meantime, I feel like a slightly more accomplished parent now that I have run the TSA gauntlet with London in tow and have not lost her or slowed any other traveler down due to a lack of preparedness.

Thinking About DC

Photos from DC…and some thoughts about the trip.

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Previously shared on Instagram, but this is in Georgetown, where you can show up at a bar and order an IPA with 8% ABV and get served a session IPA and then get a shrug from the bartender when you point that out. We stayed for one drink and tipped poorly. Shouldn’t have tipped at all. Our next round of beers was at a hotel bar just out of frame to the left. It was swanky as hell inside. Luckily, there were a few tables outside where I wasn’t too embarrassed about the drips of sweat falling off my nose into my beer as I was drinking it. That’s an exaggeration, but God, the humidity. I don’t miss it. Second bar, much better. Third bar, best.

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The staggering loss of life could not be displayed in a more powerful way than in the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. The font is small. The names are many. And the high-polished shine of the stone draws the eye. It is beautiful and somber and the quietest place I visited all weekend.

 

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 Lucky for me, the Washington Monument was no longer covered in scaffolding, but the Capitol building was. Washington, DC seems like one of those places with so many attractions, whether it be a museum or a giant patch of grass on the mall, that one of them is always under construction. For all the famous speeches given on the steps behind me, Glenn Beck’s restoring “honor” speech excluded, when standing here I thought first of the scene in Forrest Gump when Forrest is reunited with Jenny. Just watch the scene here. It’s awesome. So was this view.

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The Shake Shack. Last time I stood in line for one of these burgers it was 2009 and I was in line for an hour and a half. Since then, Shake Shack has gone public and has many more locations. Thank you, Jesus. I stood in line two minutes for this burger and it met the expectations I have held for the last six years. Come to Denver!

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To get Bryce and the Washington Monument in the same image, one has to turn the iPhone on its side and use the pano feature.

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Loved standing next to the Washington Monument. I would not have loved it if an earthquake struck when I was by its side. I couldn’t help but think about that, nor how scary it must have been to work on this thing during the mid to late 19th century. Chances are, it’s not as deadly as working in Qatar for the next World Cup, but it has to be close.

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I know I am in a special place when I am obliged to take a photo of the ground I stand on.

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Sadly, this is the best shot I got of the Capitol Rotunda. The ceiling has a protective drop cloth of sorts, which they call the donut, so it’s not much to look at. Loved the paintings in here. There was a senator giving some young guns a tour. If only I watched more C-SPAN, I would be able to tell you the name of that senator. He was old and white. Oops, that’s almost all of them.

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Best reading in DC. The Thomas Jefferson Memorial.

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As far as photographing the grounds of the White House, I couldn’t have asked for better late afternoon lighting than this. I want a yard like this and I don’t want to be involved at all in the care and maintenance of it.

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Again, the Washington Monument. It is just kind of always there. Liked the lighting on the monument better from this angle though, as we walked over to the White House, so I had to get a few more shots of it.

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I was totally unaware that planes were still allowed to fly this close to monuments, memorials, and other important buildings in DC. I was also unaware of how central Reagan International Airport is to DC. This flight path seems unavoidable. The plane I flew in on took this exact route, but at night. I had a window seat on the left and couldn’t have had a better view.

I had a great time in Washington, DC. I had incredible hosts, living so close enough to everything that we walked to the Capitol building in 15 minutes. Some memorable moments that do not live on in photographs: striking it rich at the local liquor store by finding Titan IPA from Great Divide Brewing Company, only to take it home, crack one open and get the distinct tasting notes of apple juice and then noticing it was bottled fifteen months ago. Beer returned and exchanged for a three-month old, local IPA. And then there was the ice cream truck rolling through the neighborhood on Sunday night at 9:30. My host turned to me and said, “Obviously, he’s not just selling ice cream.”

That First Goodbye

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago on this blog, I had a trip to DC coming up. It was a birthday gift from Kate. Well, it was an awesome trip and I will share about some of it soon, but I want to write about the day I left for DC.

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A quick snap of London after saying goodbye at the airport.

I had been thinking for over a month about what it would be like to say goodbye to London at the airport. Since she was born almost sixteen months ago, I had never been more than an hour’s drive away from her. I had spent one night away from her, but that taking place in the same city. So, when we got to the airport I was saying goodbye to more than just London.

Since her instant, premature arrival, I have been tied to London like nothing before in my life. She took the breath out of me when I stood up and looked at her being pulled from her mom in the OR. Since then she has had it. I wished time and time again over those first ten months of oxygen support I could have given her more of my breath. Instead, I gave what I could, my constant attention, worry, and commitment to making her as happy as possible with meticulous mental note taking of her every need. For, 469 days, London had been within reach. Was I in control for one of them? No, but at least I was there. I knew I was saying goodbye to that streak, the first, long season of fatherhood.

When I arrived at the airport with my mom and London, I had to face the end of an era, so to speak. I had prepared myself and worried about it as much as possible. I still cried though. I leaned in to kiss her perfectly soft cheeks and could not leave without taking another picture of her. In that picture, she appears to be a little confused, possibly from my tears, but as beautiful as ever. I looked at it more than once while I was in DC. And more than once, I thought of our next hello.

DC Bound

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The last time I was in DC, I didn’t know how to operate any sort of camera, so I share this picture from London in 2012, the last time I was there.

A couple of months ago Kate secretly arranged for me to have a vacation.

I am actually going to travel out of the state. On. A. Plane.

I am heading to DC on Thursday for a four-night stay. My mom is helping out a ton by driving from New Mexico (again) to hang out with London while Kate is working.

When Kate first told me I was excited, but at once sort of terrified of leaving London and being away from her for four days. I have spent only one night away from London before and, even then, I was in the same city.

I am sure when I am dropped off at the airport I will have a little slice of adulthood immediately come back to me, the no-strings-attached freedom to move about as I please without a diaper bag, stroller, and a pretty big one-year-old baby. It will just be me. That will feel weird for a time.

As excited as I am for the vacation, I find myself already looking forward to coming back to Colorado and being reunited with my family. I have never felt that way before. It is one of those new feelings, that I can only ascribe to the love I have for my budding family.

Have Preemie, Will Not Travel

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Oh, the places we’ve been since London was born.

From January 30, 2014 to May 19, 2014 I left Denver once, for a quick trip north to Fort Collins. I was there for six hours. Since London was born I have spent three days outside of the state, not too far away, in Green River, WY. It took me two minutes to draw on a map where I have been in the last 14 months.

Having a baby will naturally limit your geographical existence. Having a 26-weeker will completely shut your travel down. From what I have heard about other parents who had a very early baby, we have been ambitious in our reach across this relatively small map. I have heard of parents who will not take their baby outside the house but for walks. These parents have decided that taking their preemie to the grocery store, the shopping mall, or to Target, puts their preemie at too great a risk of getting seriously sick and going right back to the hospital. My family did not make it out of the NICU without receiving such advice, from a nurse nonetheless. We were blown away by the severity of such restrictions and quickly conferred with other nurses that we did not have to stay under house arrest with our preemie until flu season was over.

We have followed certain recommendations such as, do not fly anywhere with your baby until flu season ends. Locking baby inside an incredibly small area for two hours with 140 other strangers sounded like a really bad idea to us as well. Not flying anywhere for such a long time (our last flight was in mid-December 2013) has been incredibly weird and challenging, but also much better than having a very sick daughter back in the hospital.

The feeling has been similar to putting travel and adventure on probation for over a year. Localized adventure has still been possible and we have taken advantage of that with trips to Wyoming, Breckenridge (twice), Steamboat Springs, and Estes Park. If it wasn’t for weddings, I am not sure we would have made all those trips, but thank God for weddings because these short getaways have quenched at least a little bit of our thirst for travel.

Flu season is almost over. Besides the obvious, this means as a family we are free to move about the country. And again, weddings will be the catalyst of much of that travel, but instead of weekends in the Colorado mountains we will get a weekend in southern California and Nashville, with some excursions in between. The destinations are exciting. The process of getting there, i.e. flying with London and bringing all the baby stuff along with us, does not excite. However, if London’s behavior as a baby can be a predictor for how she’ll be on a flight, I can say she probably won’t put up much of a fight. It’s her 40 lb. car seat that will.

The Fastest Year of My Life

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Taking in the sunrise from our room in Mexico.

Last year, Kate and I were in Playa del Carmen for a wedding during the first weekend in November. I was thinking of this trip just last week and I momentarily refused to believe it had almost been a year since Kate and I strolled along on the beach during a midday thunderstorm. That walk and the rest of that trip are so vivid and crisp in my mind, we could have been there last month. How could those memories be a year old?

Less than two weeks after we returned from Mexico we went under contract on our first home. The next 12 days I was busy with the purchase of the home and making sure we could move out of our apartment before the lease ended. Then we were off to Wyoming for Thanksgiving. Then we drove back. A few days later we flew to Orlando for a week. Then it was a week of last minute Christmas gatherings and preparations before we traveled to New Mexico. There for nearly a week, we drove back and closed on our house that Monday, December 30th. I started painting throughout the house that afternoon. We moved furniture on January 7th. The house was a mess and there was still more painting left to do. We then had a relatively calm three weeks (as calm and restful as settling into your first house can be).

Then the night of January 29th arrived and Kate had painful contractions at 26 weeks. The next significant date in my head is May 19th, the day London came home. And then a summer spent on edge as London slowly strengthened and we traveled to weddings. And then fall arrived. And now we’re almost back where we started.

From January 29th to May 19th, it did not matter what day of the week it was. It did not matter the month, the holiday, the weather, the time. It only mattered that London was doing okay and getting better. These days are curiously recalled in my mind. There is so much held within the borders of them that it will take years to process just how much we changed during that time and how it affected us. Yet, at times, those days seem like one really long fast day. And then it was summer and our girl was home. I recall pausing during my walk out of the hospital one day in April to take in the weather. “My God, it’s spring,” I mumbled to myself. Where had winter gone? I was actually dumbfounded. I can easily remember the cold night we arrived. That was the last day I cared about the weather.

Living on edge makes life go by very quickly. That is one thing I have learned in the last year.

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May 23, 2014. 4th day home.

London is home now. She is strong and happy beyond our wildest hopes and expectations. I do not call her a miracle baby because I never want “miracle” to be a term I casually use. But it is true. She is a miracle. And she is not the only miracle of the last year. It is a miracle all three of us made it through. At times it did not seem possible. It did not seem possible that time would slow. But it did. And I care about the weather once more.

Why London?

“So, I have to ask. Why the name London?”

This is a question we get a lot. I have always loved London’s name, but it took some time to figure out exactly why. The short answer we give goes something like this: “We both really love the name because it’s gender neutral. London, the city, holds a special place in our hearts and a couple years ago we first BKP_7211thought of naming one of our kids London.”

But the long answer, if you are willing to bear with me, is this:

London, the city in the United Kingdom, yeah, that London, is one of the sacred places in my life, which may sound ridiculous to you when I tell you I have only been there twice. However, as is sometimes the case, it is not really how many times we go to a certain city or country that matters, but what time in our life did we go to a certain city or country. For me, the time that mattered was when I was 22 years of age, in my last semester of undergraduate studies, during which I studied in London. This was my fifth year of college, but as I was an NCAA athlete for the first four years, studying abroad was not an option for a while.

When I arrived in London I was very young, educated (somewhat), and ignorant about quite a few things in this world. I wouldn’t say I was sheltered, but I was thirsty for knowledge and new experiences. I was ready for an adventure, malleable in a way, and ready to have some ideas and beliefs challenged during my time there.

I could not have arrived in London with a better mindset. I accepted an internship at a small publishing house on London’s south side. I preferred to traverse the city on foot when I could. I paid as little attention to my studies as I could and as much attention to the fast, diverse city whirling around me. I often explored alone, my classmates more interested in frequenting a neighborhood pub. I went to pubs too, but chose to go after work with my British co-workers. On one of these occasions, I turned 23 and celebrated the evening with my cool, new, and temporary officemates. The BKP_7344month after that Kate spent her spring break in London with me. She fell in love too, and I fell more in love with her as we explored London and a little of Paris, savoring the moments that I knew we would never be able to replicate because we were young, free, and unfettered from worries and responsibilities we had back home, across an ocean.

Four months of London and getaways to Scotland, Cambridge, Bath, Dover, Salisbury, Paris, and Israel behind me, I was facing a return trip back to Colorado. London had certainly challenged me. I had dramatically changed, but I did not know for years how much this time molded my thinking.

Kate and I went back there in 2012. We were in a position to go almost anywhere in the world, but the thought of reliving our London experience (this time with money!) tugged on our hearts with such strength that I quickly narrowed down the list of possible countries to visit, all of which were conveniently a little skip away from London. 2012 was another adventure in London, which, for the most part, hadn’t changed much in six years. But we had.

And we’ve changed a lot since. Big new job for Kate. I finished grad school. We bought a house. And our first child was on the way. We did not just name her after a city, but after an adventure, the most cherished one to date, knowing she would supplant it as soon as she arrived. She has, with a vengeance.

8 Memories for 8 Months

I had wanted to sit down and write this on London’s actual 8 month birthday, but I’ve been very busy this last week and a half painting a bathroom on the main level of my house. This was no ordinary paint job either. The primary color, Loyal Blue, from Sherwin-Williams had a really hard time covering the tannish color of the bathroom. Four coats. I painted four bathrooms, they just all happened to be the same one. One wall is striped with SW’s Citrus color and their high hide white. Now that that’s done I can once again return to writing a little more regularly, but now I throw in some obligatory before and after shots of my handiwork.

Before:

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Pictured: the bathroom on our main floor before I spent a week in it.

After:

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Boom. Nautica, if you find this blog, I just wanted to let you know that it does look like I copied the color scheme of every piece of clothing you have ever made, but it was just coincidence. Promise.

Onward.

As I think of each month of London’s life so far they are all so distinct in my mind. Naturally, there are some moments that always come to the forefront, like London’s extubation in month 1 or her discharge day in month 4. But for this post I wanted to write about the less obvious memories from each one of these awesome months. Here goes…

Month 1

Crazy. Crazy is knowing you’re about to introduce someone to their first grandchild. As my father-in-law followed me into the NICU on the day of London’s birth, he could not exactly see where I was leading him. As I arrived at London’s isolette I stepped to the side and Tim got his first glance of my daughter, his granddaughter. I put a hand on his shoulder and the first words out of his mouth were, “She’s perfect.”

I don’t know what I expected to hear from him. It’s one thing introducing a full-term baby to someone, it’s another thing altogether to present to someone their granddaughter weighing in at 2 lbs, skin and bone skinny, draped with wires and tubes, and plugged into intimidating machine after machine. To hear someone say, “She’s perfect,” after seeing all that was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. Tim probably didn’t intend to make such an impact with those words, but had he thought about them in advance he couldn’t have come up with something better.

Month 2

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This month we started to dress London in clothes. Her skin was tougher. She wasn’t vented anymore. It was still one hell of a task to put an outfit on her, but I discovered I loved dressing her. Still do. This was the first time I remember her being in an outfit. The picture doesn’t do this outfit justice. As you can see her outfit appears baggy, but if I go into her closet right now and find this in the pile of preemie clothing we have I will be astonished at its size. It’s hard to believe she was small enough to ever fit it. London has an incredible wardrobe. Every day I get a little excited about choosing her outfit for the morning. Of course, I have to yield to mom’s choice some days.

BONUS Month 2 Memory: Like every other day, I was sitting there with London, doing kangaroo care in the recliner that every NICU pod has, but today the recliner was reclined more than usual. I carefully tried to adjust the incline of the seat without disrupting London’s sleep or pinching the tube on her CPAP, but nothing was working. The seat just kept reclining and reclining to the point that if I didn’t extend my right arm to firmly grasp the end of the armrest, the chair was going to tip backward. So there I sat for 40 minutes or so. Right arm keeping both London and I from falling backwards. Left arm holding her steady on my chest. Body rigid so as not to disrupt our balance. Silent. Just waiting for Megan to come check on us so she can help us out of this broken seat.

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My dad holding London for the first time on April 3. This was also when my mom first held London. London’s fingers were still the size of the finger nail on my dad’s index finger. When you have a preemie, one big adjustment you have to make right away is not getting to hold your baby for a while. Grandparents had to wait much longer. Friends had to wait until London was out of the hospital. A lot of what people associate with having a baby is greatly delayed. As a NICU parent, you quickly grow accustomed to all big events arriving at a snail’s pace.

Month 4

Kate’s dad and sister were in town one weekend. It was a Sunday and they were headed back to Wyoming. They had gone ahead with Kate to the hospital. I stayed behind, taking care of some things at the house and would possibly join them later. As I was walking up to the front doors of the hospital I saw Tim and Kendra. We had a brief conversation and said goodbye, but I knew something was not right. I got upstairs to London’s pod and could see it in Kate’s eyes. I sat down next to my two girls and waited for our primary nurse, Megan, to come in and explain to us the next NICU obstacle.

What stands out about this day is instantly knowing from my conversation with Tim and Kendra that I was about to get disappointing news and that when I heard that news from Megan, it was the first time I cried in front of her. The curtain was open, I’m sitting there with my back to the window, facing out into the rest of the NICU and wondering after all this time if we were ever going to get out of this place with a healthy, strong daughter.

Month 5

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This was the first full month that London was at home with us. To narrow all the memories down to one particular moment does not mean that the selected moment is better than all the rest that month. I’m just going to go with mornings for Month 5. It was still early summer, so the cool morning air coming in the windows made it especially hard to wake up after also waking once or twice during the night to feed London. This was one of those days when Kate took care of the early morning feeding and I, still holding onto the belief that if I kept on sleeping I would eventually catch up to the lack of sleep over the last five months, kept on sleeping (as you can see). But there’s no catching up. Look at London’s face. She knows it. She thinks it’s funny.

Month 6

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Going out on the Flaming Gorge Reservoir. It’s something that we do every summer, but this particular day, was the first time we left London with anyone for more than an hour. Kate’s mom watched her and we went out for some tubing and fishing. We had to let go for a few hours. Letting go after such a long and traumatic NICU stay is, without a doubt, one of the hardest things for NICU parents to do.

Month 7

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That time she fell asleep while doing the “pull-my-finger” joke on herself.

Month 8

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Establishing traditions. We met my parents in Breckenridge two weeks ago. Breck is a Colorado mountain town Kate and I love to visit. This was London’s second trip to Breck, but this time it was more relaxed and she was much stronger. Some traditions you welcome new family members into and other traditions are established once that new family member arrives. This was the former, but I know that this tradition will look much different in the future as London grows up and wants to do more and more activities. We’ll have her biking up Swan Mountain Road in no time.

 

Busy, Writing, and Travel

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Taken the weekend of our first overnight trip with London.

It’s been a busy week around here and I’ve not found the time to sit down and write a new post, for which I have some guilt and disappointment. This is the toughest thing about keeping a blog like this. There is so much material to delve into, but not enough time to do the delving. On certain days, not getting the opportunity to do that really stings.

We are going to the mountains tomorrow for a couple of nights. My parents are meeting us there. We hope to catch some fall color and to just be away from Denver for a little bit of time. Writing that reminded me of the shock I had in May when I realized that I had not been out of Denver for more than a few hours since London was born. There was one short trip to Fort Collins for a baby shower. That was it. If I had mapped my location during the three and a half months London was in the NICU, you could see a very heavy line from home to hospital and then tiny little branches breaking off from that. Each brach representing a trip to a restaurant, grocery store, or a coffee run. I kid you not, there was no more variety to my destinations for 109 days. Hospital, home, restaurant, grocery store, and coffee shop.

Now that London is home we get a little further out from the house and with greater frequency, but it is still a challenge to compare our range now as a family versus what it was a year ago. Luckily, as London ages and strengthens our travel radius from home will lengthen out to something closely resembling the old, have freedom, will travel, spirit of the pre-London era.